Chopper, sic'em, Boy! - Things I Wish I Knew

#4 Chopper, sic'em, Boy!
Series: Things I Wish I Knew as a New Triathlete.

In the 1986 movie Stand by Me, a kid named Gordie gets caught taking a shortcut through a junkyard. Milo, the junkyard owner, demands answers and Gordie runs. Milo calls to his dog, "Chopper, sic'em, Boy!" But Gordie hears, "Chopper, sic balls!"

The chase begins.



I'm a dog person. I grew up with dogs as pets. Our family has a Lab named Sherpa . But, as a triathlete, spending miles on the bike and run, I hate dogs. They stalk, chase and terrify me.

The Choppers I've met on the road aren't sweet-hearted Retrievers like in Stand by Me. Instead, my Choppers are nasty, aggressive biters and like Gordie, I run and scream.

I've tried:
- outrunning/outriding the dog(s),
- screaming like a crazy person,
- pretending I'm not actually scared (we know from Jerry McGuire that dogs and bees can smell fear), and
- sacrificing my husband (Ken), making him ride past first.

Ken's not scared. He barks back and thinks that's funny (though he did get bit by a Golden Retriever!). Other triathletes say squirt loose dogs with water.

Read these suggestions & then tell me how you handle a Chopper:
- Stay calm, don't smile & don't run. If Chopper gets you, curl into a fetal position, stay still and don't scream. More tips here.
- No eye contact! What if the dog jumps? Tips here.
- Don't pet the dog.
- BeginnerTriathlete discusses dogs.
- Even Chihuahuas give a good chase.
- An old but good discussion thread from bikeforums.com.
- Dog vs Bike in the Tour de France here and here.

Tell me, what works for you? Anyone try Crocodile Dundee's custom move? (2nd half of the clip)

In Stand By Me four kids setoff on a journey hoping to find the dead body of a missing boy. The film's trailer says, "For some, it's the last real taste of innocence. And the first real taste of life. But for everyone it's the time that memories are made of."

Like Stand By Me, triathlon is an adventure, filled with memory-making moments. While my bike and run miles may not be Chopper-free, I hope to deny Chopper his first real taste of me.
Bite me Chopper.

Triathlon is a rewarding sport for people of all ages and abilities. 2009 is your year to taste triathlon. As a triathlete, you'll surprise yourself as you face fears and set personal bests. You'll be more confident, have more energy and smile more often. People will be drawn to that difference. Triathlon is a rewarding sport for people of all ages and abilities, wearing underwear is optional. Sleestak sightings rare. Dogs, many.

Check out Why You Can series:Common excuses:
1-I have no time. 2-I can't afford it. 3-I'm too old. 4-I'm afraid. 5-I'm not an athlete.

Also see Series: Things I Wish I Knew As a New Triathlete:
#1 My swimsuit was see-through.
#2 Go Commando: Things I Wish I Knew
#3 Land of the Lost Training

And visit me in active.com's triathlon community. Come say hello, I'm a volunteer moderator!

Land of the Lost Training: Things I Wish I Knew

#3 Land of the Lost Training.
Series: Things I Wish I Knew as a New Triathlete.

As a child of the '70s I happily began Saturday mornings eating a bowl of Lucky Charms and watching The Land of the Lost reruns.

In this popular TV series, two kids and their dad warp into an alternate pocket universe complete with dinosaurs, time doorways, crystal matrixes and the hissing Sleestak, a lizard-like creature.
Looking back, I now see how bad LOTL was. As a child I loved watching that little yellow raft tumble downstream. And the Sleestaks' hiss and slow-motion stalk was scary, not lame. Now, I see the horrible blue-screen special effects and wonder how I totally missed that as a kid?

It took me years to discover similar flaws in my triathlon training. Basically as a new triathlete I was stuck in the muck. I trained in the Land of the Lost, a cardio nowhere zone. In case you've yet to tune in, here's what I mean.

As a new triathlete, I swam, biked and ran. Good. But my workouts were random and sluggish. Not good. I could do Land of the Lost cardio all day. But without intensity and purpose, I'd make few improvements as a triathlete.

Intensity is key to training, writes Joe Friel in The Triathlete's Training Bible. "Pay close attention to the intensity of training," he writes. "If you get this part wrong, it doesn't matter what else you may be doing right." Too often triathletes get wrapped up in mileage. While volume is important, focus on what you do with the miles.

Stuck in TLOL? Doing the same mindless workouts? You're in good company. Even 2x world-champion triathlete Normann Stadler admits he's trained for a decade without structure. Now Stadler is working with Carmichael Training Systems to perfect his training, hoping for a third Ford Ironman World Championship title.

Fortunately, Kona champs and first-time triathletes can all access the following resources:
- Learn how to setup a heart-rate based training plan in Joel Friel's free chapter . Look at goals, limiters, race dates and training objectives. And Friel's new edition of The Triathlete's Training Bible promises to make athletes smarter, stronger and faster.
- Active.com's Gale Bernhardt shares a free article on training intensity, heart-rate and perceived exertion.
- Find triathlon training plans and more at: active.com, beginnertriathlete.com, Triathlon Club of San Diego, Trifuel & Tri-Newbies Online.
- You'll also find newsletters and downloads at Carmichael Training Systems.
- Also check out active.com articles Tri-Training Investment Principles for the Upcoming Season and Planning for Perfection- Nail your early-season peak.

Tip for new triathletes: Don't train in The Land of the Lost. Going through the motions won't get you back home as a triathlete. You'll be forever stuck in a timewarp, total Sleestak bait.

Land of the Lost hits the big screen this summer. View its trailer and Superbowl commercial at http://www.landofthelost.net/.

Triathlon is a rewarding sport for people of all ages and abilities. 2009 is your year to taste triathlon. As a triathlete, you'll surprise yourself as you face fears and set personal bests. You'll be more confident, have more energy and smile more often. People will be drawn to that difference. Triathlon is a rewarding sport for people of all ages and abilities, wearing underwear while cycling is optional. Sleestak sightings rare.

Check out Why You Can series:
Common excuses:1-I have no time. 2-I can't afford it. 3-I'm too old. 4-I'm afraid. 5-I'm not an athlete.

Also see Series: Things I Wish I Knew As a New Triathlete:
#1 My swimsuit was see-through.
#2 Go Commando: Things I Wish I Knew

And visit me in active.com's triathlon community. Come say hello, I'm a volunteer moderator!

photo credit: free wallpaper from http://www.landofthelost.net/

Go Commando: Things I Wish I Knew

#2 Go commando.
Series: Things I Wish I Knew as a New Triathlete.

"Don’t you see what’s going on here, no boxers, no jockeys," Jerry asked Elaine during a 1994 Seinfeld episode. "The only thing between him [Kramer] and us is a thin layer of Gabardine."

Two years later Joey would pull-off the phrase "going commando" during a 1996 Friends episode "where no one's ready." Youtube clip here.

Even as a Seinfeld and Friends fan, I knew going commando was TV talk, not real-world material. Well maybe Joey-Kramer types, but not me. As you know from my last post (#1 My swimsuit was see-through) married mothers don't intentionally flash their bottoms. We cover up appropriately, underwear included.


I'd pull on my bike shorts and apply Chamois Butt'r under my layers. Going bare under there seemed too extreme.

I didn't know. Apparently that chamois pad was meant to absorb sweat. Wearing underwear made it harder for the pad to function. And my underwear seams rubbed against my short seams, making chafing much worse. My long rides hurt, but I thought it was just me.

Years later, I finally ditched the underwear. So much had already gone wrong on my first bike tour (for starters I got lost, sunburned, bit by something and DNFd my first Century attempt). It was an awful week.

I thought, "what the hell, today I go commando."

And now, like Kramer, "I'm out there--and I'm loving every minute of it!" And in Kramer fashion, there's nothing but a thin (nontransparent), black layer of lycra separating you and me.

I also give Joey credit. Now, as I slip into my bike shorts, I can't help but sing to a new version of the Friends' chorus, "I'll be bare it's true! . . ." [vs. I'll be there for you!]

Tip for new triathletes: Commando works best with black shorts. I suffered too long. Be bold. Be wise. Go commando.

Tri tidbit: Underwear does have a special place in triathlon. A traditional Underpants Run is conducted in Kona each year before the Ford Ironman World Championship. 2008 had a record turnout. Underwear required.

Triathlon is a rewarding sport for people of all ages and abilities. 2009 is your year to taste triathlon. As a triathlete, you'll surprise yourself as you face fears and set personal bests. You'll be more confident, have more energy and smile more often. People will be drawn to that difference. Triathlon is a rewarding sport for people of all ages and abilities, underwear while cycling is optional.

Check out Why You Can series:
Common excuses:
1-I have no time. 2-I can't afford it. 3-I'm too old. 4-I'm afraid. 5-I'm not an athlete.

Also see:
#1 My swimsuit was see-through.Series: Things I Wish I Knew As a New Triathlete


photo credit: free wallpaper from official Seinfeld site.

My Swimsuit Was See-Through: Things I Wish I Knew

#1 My swimsuit was see-through.
Series: Things I Wish I Knew As a New Triathlete

I was staring at a woman's bottom. Squirming in my seat, I looked away from the big screen, embarrassed. I looked up and it was still there. While this opening scene worked for Scarlett Johansson in the film Lost in Translation, there's no way I'd do something similar, as a normal married mother of three. No way.

Well. I didn't know it, but each time I swam, like Scarlett, I was semi-flashing my behind through the worn-out sheer fabric of a well-used swimsuit. And no one told me. I had to wonder how long this unintentional display had been going on.

As a triathlete I love to swim. I'm not fast. I don't flip turn. But I adore swimming. During my third pregnancy I'd combine water aerobics with a short swim before or after class. I loved being in the water.

I first thought about my swimsuit's rear view during a water aerobics class. Mostly older women participated. Many ladies would do their own thing, talking right over the instructor. One morning I saw a lady getting out of the pool and I gasped, I could see her backside, almost 100%! Did she not know? Did she not care?

I didn't immediately make the connection, it took some time. And then I thought, "What about me? What about my swimsuit?" Yep. After a close inspection in the locker room, I determined it was. There was a vertical sheer swatch right down the center of where you'd want it least.

Some advice for new or current triathletes: Check your behind. Then with appropriate swimwear in hand hit the pool and enjoy one of the most rewarding sports on earth--triathlon!

Triathlon is a rewarding sport for people of all ages and abilities. 2009 is your year to taste triathlon. As a triathlete, you'll surprise yourself as you face fears and set personal bests. You'll be more confident, have more energy and smile more often. People will be drawn to that difference. Triathlon is a rewarding sport for people of all ages and abilities.

Check out Why You Can series:
Common excuses:
1-I have no time.
2-I can't afford it.
3-I'm too old.
4-I'm afraid.
5-I'm not an athlete.

photo credit: free wallpaper from http://www.lost-in-translation.com/