2. Negotiate your entry fee.
3. Exhale last night’s stagnant nacho breath.
4. Drip on the signin sheet.
5. Steal the pen or pencil.
6. Pay your admission in pennies and then scatter them in the deep end.
7. Run on the deck—dare Kt to stop you.
8. Slam the blue box lids. Squish someone’s finger and respond, “Oops! My bad!”
9. Put the p in ool.
10. Swim without a suit.
11. Wear only one piece of a two-piece, your choice.
12. Swim in jorts.
13. Fart on the mats during the dryland workout.
14. Blame it on someone else.
15. Comment on the smell.
16. Spike your pullbuoy.
17. Grease the kickboards.
18. Butt cleavage.
19. Farmer blow.
20. Dive from the shallow end.
21. Change Kt’s password.
22. Offset the sendoff clocks.
23. Clip your toenails into the gutter.
24. Gargle & swallow.
25. Claim that the booger makes you faster.
26. After Kt announces the pool temp, pull-off the bullshit sneeze.
27. Assume she can’t see you. She can.
28. Swim your interpretation of the workout.
29. Baby Ruth.
30. Stall for time between sets.
31. Grumble about the kick set.
32. Cannonball off the lifeguard chair.
33. Hide Squishy.
34. Rebound your pull-buoy off the wall display of state-level awards.
35. Post those pictures.
36. Reattach the rope swing.
37. Set your goldfish free.
38. Armpit noises.
39. Blow water like a whale.
40. Leave an underwater Band-Aid trail.
41. Leap from block to block.
42. Insist your junior high swimsuit still fits.
43. Spontaneous tea party.
44. Unveil the hidden tattoo.
45. Snap someone’s goggles.
46. Convince Kt that Michael Phelps really isn’t that hot.
48. Let the suit wedgie ride.
49. Say circle swim is for sucks.
50. Kidnap the elephant slide.